The Hidden Power of Compulsive Thinking: A Survival Mechanism We Don’t Always Notice.
From Caregiving to Self-Care: The Challenge of Letting Go of Survival Mode
It’s Christmas morning, and I’m here sitting on my bed with a warm Cacao in my favorite mug that Scott got me years ago for my birthday. I have Frank Sinatra Christmas music on the CD player, and I can see Finn on the bed (one of my cats), the closet is nicely organized and the morning sun is shining through my window. And I’m so happy I get to write. Years ago, I dreamed of something like this.
I remember wanting more peace, more time, more calmness, more softness.. but in all reality, I had no idea how I would achieve that. And if I look back in hindsight, I still don’t have a step-by-step of how all this happened. If you are in a situation where it feels like your goal is far away, just keep doing things… even though you have no idea if it’ll work out in your favor. Just trust it will.
We live in a world of duality, and I’ve written about this in the past, so I won’t bore you with the explanation, you can indeed check out my other post that’s linked here.
With more calmness, more softness also was preceded by a bit of chaos. Here’s my recent challenge.
Compulsive Thinking: Not Just Negative Thoughts, but a Survival Mechanism
In the world of personal growth, we learn very quickly that mindset is a key pillar in shaping our lives. I could even argue that it is the basis of everything that is foundational to us, to who we are and to our personal reality (or personality). This is the influencing factor in our perspective of life. No negative thinking! Or else manifestation is not going to work, or you’ll attract all these things into your life, or else… And so most of us find ourselves focusing on this aspect of personal growth early on in our personal development. We’ve got to believe in the magic of life, and in miracles… without needing to see them first, right? Right!
But what if there’s another component to mindset that’s not talked about? What if it’s something we all struggle with, even if we are aware or not? What about compulsive thinking that’s NOT negative? Is that even possible? I had never contemplated this at all up until recently. What if we can have compulsive thinking that is not necessarily negative but that is rooted in survival?
Compulsive thoughts are the mental loops we get caught in—thoughts about what we ‘should’ be doing, the worst-case scenarios, or the constant worry about others. These thoughts, while often protective, can also trap us in a cycle of stress and exhaustion. The best example I feel we can understand is someone with OCD or the perspective we have on those people. It’s a form of feeling in control of one's life.
And it got me thinking, as a person without OCD, could I also have compulsive thinking, and where does it come from? Most of the time, these thoughts are shaped by a deep-rooted survival instinct that can be created in your past or present circumstances and/or fear (real or imaginative). Compulsive thinking is usually seen as an unconscious pattern of thinking, but I believe it can be brought to consciousness. The unfortunate part is that at times the time it is unconscious, it shapes our actions and can take over who we become. But what happens when we realize that our thoughts, rather than our circumstances, are keeping us stuck?
How to Avoid Getting Stuck in Survival Thinking: A Path to True Freedom
The past couple of years have been quite difficult as I became a caretaker for my Nana and for my husband. I was forced to hold the fort, to figure it out, to be the breadwinner, but also to be everything to everyone. My survival looked like worrying about their well-being over mine, taking on their pain above my own, giving up my mental and emotional health to help them, not taking care of my physical body, always eating last, being the first one up and most times the last one to bed, making sure the house was always clean, scheduling my work hours around their needs, feeling guilty for taking time for myself, or not being able to take time for myself because I always got interrupted, driving my husband 6 hours to appointments while navigating a “babysitter” for my animals and Nana... And so all of these thoughts circled my head.
How can I make more money without doing more? What is everyone going to eat today? Do I have enough food, maybe I should do groceries. Are they going to be in a good mood today, or am I waking up or walking into chaos? Has anyone fed the cats today, or the dog?
At the beginning of 2024, my caregiving roles have been lifted for both people, my Nana has gone to extended care and my husband's pain and vertigo have gone down quite significantly. And so for a few months now, I’ve been faced with the challenge of getting out of survival mode. And so I started reflecting. What if I wasn’t so consumed by survival anymore? What If I stopped thinking of a way to make money, or to cook food for them for when I was gone to work, or to preplan everything, down to who can feed the cats when I’m gone to work?
No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. - Voltaire
And what if in this period of my life where none of this is pertinent to my survival, why am I still stuck here? What is keeping me stuck, certainly isn’t my environment anymore. What if my thoughts, even though they are not negative, are keeping me stuck?
And so, If I didn’t indulge my compulsive thinking mostly about survival things, what would I be thinking about instead? What if I was taken care of, by a God and by my healing husband? What would my thoughts be then?
And this circles back to Dr. Joe Dispenza - Breaking the habit of being yourself.
What would it look like if we forgot who we were entirely? Would there be a void? Would there be a gap? Would we have compulsive thinking, and actions that relate to those thoughts? Our usual questions would have been, what are the next steps in this evolution of my life… not, what are my thoughts and how could I choose to overcome the compulsive thinking?
This is indeed how we break the pattern of being ourselves. What if we have it backwards, instead of thinking about how to survive… wouldn’t it be better to think about how can we have more fun, even during difficult times?
I never thought I was a compulsive thinker because I never thought of negative things… but indeed and unfortunately, thinking “How can I make more money"?” is a compulsive thought on its own.
The Freedom of Letting Go: How to Stop Being Controlled by Compulsive Thoughts
What thoughts am I always thinking that I don’t want to think about anymore?
What would I think about if I wasn’t focused on this thought?
These questions helped and have helped me notice what I hadn’t before. It allowed me to step out of autopilot, creating space for new ideas and possibilities.
On a side note: When you notice the thoughts, it’s important not to judge or criticize yourself or your thoughts. I believe another problem that can arise from this, is when we judge or criticize ourselves about the thoughts we have. This creates compound emotions and a conflict within you that should have never been. Real freedom comes from not only changing our compulsions but also not judging them or making them more important than the change itself. What would it look like to choose joy, peace, and creativity as our default state, instead of survival?
Now compulsive thinking can be so much harder to break, and rooted in a much deeper issue than what I’ve talked about. Some of our patterned thinking also is a reflection of who we think we are, and there’s a big healing of identity that needs to happen there. That could add a layer of complexity to this. Looking back in hindsight, I realize that indeed this has been my issue for a very long time. And the compulsive thought has not always been the same, It’s evolved and changed as I have. And indeed because of these compulsive thoughts, it created a personal identity. My best tools to shine a light on this have been to journal things out or to practice not thinking through mindfulness, presence or meditation, which both are tools that involve a lot of surrender and patience with oneself.
There’s a lot “to think about” for the new year. 2025 is almost here, and it is time to cross the finish line with a new “mindset”. Which thought could you enter the year with that gives you a fresh new perspective or a fresh new you? (You will also find more contemplations at the end of this.)
A Glimpse Into My World
So back to Christmas news, things are much better this month. It was quite difficult with Roxy and her congestive heart failure, and all of my emotions over the foster kittens. Roxy is doing much better, I still have no idea how much time she has with us, but what I do know is that no matter how much I try and avoid the pain, it will come. So I’m choosing to focus on the beautiful moments I get to be with her and her quirkiness.
I’m currently still fostering Bluebell and Buttercup - Bluebell is a very shy girl who’s been through a lot. I suspect she’s suffered a broken tail, and unfortunately, it’s at the hands of humans because you can tell she’s terrified when we pet her or approach her. Poor girl. Buttercup is quite the opposite, she purrs, makes biscut and just wants to be loved. Animals bring me such joy.
It’s been such a revealing year for my husband and I, as we set our goals and expectations for 2025 (which I will share in the next piece). I have learned more about myself in the last year than I probably have in the 10 years of personal growth. You know how in “Eat, pray, love”, she spends almost a year figuring herself out… well for me, it took much more than that. A lot of spokes got stuck in my wheels, and I needed to take them out, a lot of wires got crossed, and I needed to untangle them, and a lot of bulldozing my way through experiences, forcing my hand on others, on careers, or goals that didn’t need it. As cheesy as this is, it was all worth it.
I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas but I’m a couple days late, so I hope you had amazing holidays and celebrations. However, I’m not to late in wish you a Happy New year filled with deep love, abundance, joy and happiness. Don’t put to much pressure on yourself to succeed in 2025, but more so find the time to focus on what truly makes you happy and allows you to fall in love with life again.
With love,
Stephanie xo
The Art of Contemplation: A Path to Self-Discovery - Have you ever felt trapped by your own thoughts? What would your life look like if you weren’t constantly thinking about survival? What mental patterns do you think are keeping you stuck, and how can you begin to shift them? Are those same thoughts keeping you stuck in business? in relationships? in life? What are the thoughts that would help you create a better more enjoyable life? What are the thoughts that would allow you to have more fun in business? Have you created an identity based on those? Can you see how they may be affecting your personal and professional life? or even your business growth and relationships? Can you journal those out, or even practice not thinking about them so much? What are the physical practices you can incorporate to get out of your head, and into your being? What would help you navigate the difficult things that you may be worried about? Have you found yourself in survival mode lately?
What you think about, you bring about - Bob Proctor