Whimsical Self-Care for the Soul After a Life of Caregiving
I hope you will join me in feeling nurture or provided for...
“Do something you love.” It’s been the ringing mantra in our household lately. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know how to do that… how much I was stuck in a survival ground hog day every day.
There’s was a clear moment in my life when the caretaking stopped—and I had to look at myself. I didn’t expect it to feel like grief.
but here we are.
I have not written a personal update in a while… so I think now is the time. We’ve been pivoting and changing our life a little bit, and it forced me to think about the things that are surrounding me, and how I feel uninspired by all of it.
In 2021, I came here with a virtuous plan to take care of my Nana. At the time the housing market was high and it was the perfect combination to pack everything; my husband, my house and my 3 cats and move in the middle of no where to reconnect with my roots.
Well, 4 years later with my Nana being at the extended care, I feel I have more personal time and space to evolve. If I’m really being honest with you, I have been a caregiver for most of my life; it started with difficult family circumstances when I was 16 or so, and since then it has never really changed. I have spent a very long time taking care of people and neglecting myself in ways I can't fully understand yet.
I know that this is very common for woman, we devote our lives to our parents (if they are sick or elderly) and/or to our children. Caregiving is a self less act, one we are so familiar with. But overtime the caregiving nature overcomes us, it becomes the center of our life, and is more important than our own wellbeing.
Yet, what I have come to understand about life is that you are ONLY given the next step of your evolution when you are ready.
As I completed this experiment, I realized that I couldn't progress past my level of life until I could overcome this limitation, the caregiver limitation.
In order to become the woman in the life that I desire, the next level needs to feel like the opposite of what I feel now - the feeling of; I AM being taken care of... in life, in relationships, in health, and by God.
But that’s difficult when all you know is the complete opposite. And maybe in a small way this is how it feels to go through an empty nest syndrome. It’s grief.
Grief of the life we had imagined. Grief of the life that could have been. Grief of the expectations we had set upon ourselves, and the pressure that comes with it.
And grief can really feel really heavy and difficult- AND it can be so easy, and so freeing.
Processing grief looks so strange to me, a lot of my grief is based on acceptance of what is, and knowing that even though it may not feel like that, I will be okay.
But it’s time now, time to feel nurtured. Probably for the first time in my life!
It’s time to do something I love;
which is still writing…
But with a fairytale, whimsical, luxurious, out of this world twist.
I believe that this is how we are meant to live. I love the inspiration I find on my Pinterest, I love traveling to different countries - I love the colors, the softness, the sounds and the feeling of it all. I love the magic that comes with it, and I understand that in a world that’s dark, dense and logical… I’m a dreamer at heart and that all I envision for myself may not seem possible. But trust me when I say, I believe it does. I’ve witnessed it and lived it at different parts of my life.
So I’m leaning into what feels nourishing, not just to my mind or my body, but to my spirit. And maybe this nurturing is a bit over-the-top. And maybe that’s the point. And I know that’s what my heart is asking for now.
I hope you will join me in feeling nurture or provided for, here are the ways I’m learning to feel held, cherished, and whimsically enchanted…
1. I’ll turn my Bath Into a hot springs in Mexico
I’ll ditch the basic bubble bath. Instead, I’ll imagine myself as an alchemist. Pour in rosewater, drops of jasmine oil, a pinch of sea salt, fresh mint leaves, and maybe a crystal or two. I will light multiple candles. Play music that feels like I’m in the the jungle or submerged in nature.
2. I’ll write myself a Love Letter in Gold Ink
I’ll buy the fanciest pen, or a gold calligraphy marker, and I’ll write myself a handwritten love letter with the deepest desire that come from my soul. This will be my time to be sacred with myself. Just to be extra fancy, I may find a velvet envelope to keep it in for times when I forget my power.
3. I’ll Book a Solo “Staycation” in my Own Home
I’ve rented AirBnB’s before - I’ll pretend I’m a guest in a boutique hotel. I’ll wash my sheets, maybe I’ll even by some intentionally for this occasion. Put fresh flowers in a vase. Spritz the air with rose water. Lounge in a robe. Order food I would never make (even though I say I will). I’ll watch a classic films in bed. I may even speak with an accent if I feel theatrical. Maybe my husband will join along, and we’ll pretend were from a far away land.
4. I’ll have a Picnic… With Fancy Everything
I will lay out a blanket in my garden (aka my backyard). Use real plates, cloth napkins, and a proper teacup. Eat berries, dark chocolate, pickles, honeycomb, and whatever makes me feel like a mysterious heiress with a secret. It will be a loaded charcuterie board, let’s be real. I will read poetry aloud to my plants or my husband (or my cats).
5. I’ll Get Dressed for a Nonexistent romantic night out
Honey, I’m putting on my most fanciest dress. or my silky kimono. Whatever makes me feel like the main character in a dream I once had. I will do your hair like I’m meeting royalty. I will strut around my house while my cats watch, and admire my poise-ness. My husband won’t even know what hit him.
6. I’ll Create a new Ritual That Feels Sacred
I’ve been advised to do this. So here I am, I’ll try it. Every day, at the same time, I’ll do something quiet and strange: light a match and whisper a wish. Ring a tiny bell. Stir my tea three times clockwise while thinking of my next trip. It probably won’t make sense—but I’ll let it feel like magic, made just for me.
7. I’ll buy myself Flowers for Absolutely No Occasion
I’ll walk into the only flower we have and say, “I’d like the most ridiculous bouquet you can make with these twenty-five dollars.” I’ll display them somewhere unexpected, like on top of my bookshelf or my sock drawer.
8. I’ll read in the Most Dramatic Place Possible
This is going to be a challenge, but I saw this online and thought… this is perfect for my list of things that will bring me to myself. I have to find a chaise lounge, a rooftop or a hidden corner with a blanket fort. I’ll have to read something sensual, strange, or gorgeously written (which I also need to figure out). I was told it’s a bonus if there’s velvet involved. And I am to dramatically sigh at least once per chapter.
9. I’ll attempt at inventing a Signature Scent
I LOVE LOTUS OIL! I can’t do this to my lotus oil, but I will attempt to improve it by mixing some sort of essential oils, herbs, and even tea leaves into my tiny bottles of lotus oil. What could also happen is I’ll try and make different signature scents - bergamot with vanilla, or cedar with orange blossom and cardamom. I should name them things like “Moonmilk,” “Ghost of a Garden Party,” or “Soft Thunder.” This would be perfect to dab behind my ears before journaling or napping in silk pajamas.
I’m learning that nurturing yourself doesn’t always mean being practical, even though I will be adding more body care; dry-brushing, guasha, red light, stretches, Pilates and vagal toning practices. Sometimes, nurturing yourself means living like you’re in a fairytale, making everyday acts feel like rituals of devotion.
So go ahead—be excessive with me. Be peculiar. Be lavish with your love… for yourself.
The greatest act of care is is the choice to live in beauty, ease, and enchantment. Not as an escape—but as a return. To myself
With love always,
Stephanie
As you begin to gently turn your gaze inward, ask yourself: What’s one way you’re choosing to feel nurtured this month? What does it feel like to be taken care of—without guilt, without explanation? Where in my life am I still trying to earn my rest? If beauty was a form of medicine, how much of it am I allowing into my daily life? What would it look like to be soft, and powerful, at the same time? Is there a place or version of me I’ve outgrown, but I’m still holding onto? Who do I become when I stop proving, fixing, and tending—and just exist? What part of me is asking to come alive again… or maybe, for the very first time? What would I choose if no one needed me for the next three days? Have I ever considered my own joy as a sacred responsibility? If I listened only to my body and my soul—not fear—where would I go next?
You don’t need to have the answers today. But these are the questions that lead us home.