Facing Change: What Selling My Car Taught Me About Fear, Attachment, and Growth
We are the makers of our own success.
NOTE: From now on, there will always be two parts to these emails, part one is to help you change how you feel about yourself & your life, and part two will be how you feel about your social media. Which ever one is aligned with you, you get to read, and you get to leave the rest.
I sold my 12-year-old car.
I accomplished my goal of driving it until it ran into the ground. It looked immaculate on the outside but was breaking down on the inside, it was rusted and it needed a new owner that could put life into it and plenty of repairs.
But when it was time to sell, I could feel myself becoming unsure of my decision, this bond and emotional attachment were preventing me from feeling good about the sale (or getting rid of it). Or was it a fear I had been holding onto?
I was terrified, I don’t enjoy selling things I don’t know much about… cars are not my strong suit but I knew with a little bit of work it could last a couple of years still with the right person.
This whole event created a lot of anxiety, and I recognized that it was a lesson that needed to be learned. A couple of questions I asked myself: Why did I want to run this car to the ground? Why did I wait so long to sell it or trade it in? Why am I so afraid of the same? Do I have an attachment to this car? And why? Was it the fear that was controlling my decision-making process with this vehicle?
I was reminded of this quote…
“How you do things is how you do most things.” - Melanie Ann Layer
Wow! What is this showing me about my sales abilities, my negotiation abilities, my understanding of what I sell, and my attachment to things? Where’s my confidence level or my level of skills in this area? How can I improve and grow from this? Can I walk away without feeling guilty if a deal/sale doesn't feel good? Can I be honest with myself and others about desiring things?
This is how my mind works, I’m always looking to grow, to learn and to become better. I believe that this is the way to release family or generational curse/trauma. I believe that the world profits if I can become better every day. I believe that how I navigate my life experiences impacts others, and creates a ripple effect. I believe that if I can learn more I can help more.
And so when the day of the sale came, I met up with the gentleman, he told me more about what needed repairs and made me an offer. At first, I wished more than what I was being offered yet I knew that it was not my area of expertise nor did I want to sit longer in the driveway than it had too. I KNEW it needed a lot of repairs, and so I took it. Signed the paperwork, shook hands and off her went.
In the end, I felt good about it, and proud that I was letting go… as the car drove way so did my fear of negotiating and sales. A symbolism of the fear no longer taking hold of me. And from this space, I could reflect on those questions above without having anything in the way, and a real honest Truth sesh with myself (more to come on what came up for me). But change within myself happened pretty quickly, and I’m here to tell you that…
Living an entirely different life is possible, feeling different about yourself is possible, enjoying every minute of every day is possible, eating food in Rome in the morning and Paris at night is possible… anything is possible.
Change does happen, and it has been happening for centuries. Change is one of the most beautiful things, we watch babies become toddlers, become kids, and become teenagers with such awe and reverence yet when it’s our turn, we tend to feel shame, guilt and sometimes dissatisfaction at the time it takes to do so. Most times we stay in the familiar feeling of fear and anxiety instead of asking different questions.
In all reality, I can say with most confidence say that years ago, you wouldn’t have been ready to step up into who you are now. It took some growth, some boundaries, some grounding, some emotional maturity… it took intentional time (sometimes that’s quick and sometimes it’s not).
I’ve come to realize that you have to set up some sort of foundation, one that you can call your own. You have to, it is a prerequisite for this to work.
You have the stuff to learn. Not allowing yourself grace for those moments is harming you, it’s devaluating the work you’ve already put in, it’s not respecting your journey.
It’s scary when you feel like you have to “start over” a thousand times, or have been going through this rollercoaster of emotions for a while, or even when you finally think you’ve broken through a certain pattern to see it all repeat again.
It feels discouraging… yet maybe this is ALL part of the grand plan. To overhaul your life in a way that’s unbelievable, a fairy tale of happiness and love like you’ve never before.
Your soul KNOWS that some things have to give, your soul KNOWS it’s meant for a happier life, and your soul KNOWS when change is happening (and if you intentionally ride the wave or resist the wave of change). YOU KNOW!
I knew I had to change who I was… because I was never going to match my level of desire with the woman I was. I knew I had to ask myself really uncomfortable questions.
…but I was easy and it was familiar to hear the same problems, gossip, excuses or fears that others around me had. I would grow, and then I would be thrown back In the fire, and I would respond the same way. For years, I could never get passed feeling stuck. I felt uncertain about myself and so that I never had any confidence or leadership in anything.
In order to get passed this void, this feeling, this disappointment and this familiarity… to grow and change.
I had to look at situations that made my uncomfortable.. and notice how I responded to them. I even started asking myself how I did daily tasks, the one’s that came with ease. How did I do the laundry? Or the dishes? Or got ready in the morning? Or planned date night? And how I was intentional about them.
“How you do things is how you do most things.” – Melanie Ann Layer
Could I change the little things in my life, to make me feel good about myself or happier? Could I potentially start loving doing the same thing, and not always looking outside of myself for answers? Could I overcome situations that brought me anxiety, and let go of the fear?
Could I stop thinking something is wrong with me, or think that I always have this block, or this belief that’s holding me back… or that I need to learn more because I am not smart enough or inadequate?
This is where we sabotage ourselves.
This week I had the pleasure of speaking with one of my good friends, and this idea of sabotaging one success kept coming up. This idea that we are flawed, we have blocks, and that we need to overcome everything that’s holding us back… is indeed what is holding us back, we are in charge of our success. We are the reason we are not succeeding, agreed, but maybe not for the reasons we think.
Why is it that we start businesses, and projects that we never fully appreciate or grow until years later? Why is it we put down things that are most important to us, and never seem to make time for them? Why is it that we only leave the thing that makes us happy for special occasions? Why is it that we look for the validation of people, and not the validation of ourselves?
The human condition is really fascinating in that way. What’s the solution,? Start with the small stuff, like I spoke about above, start with how you take a shower, how you brush your teeth… start being intentional about the little things. That’s the first step.
Sometimes the answers are in the small stuff.
And then, when you’re faced with a situation that gives you anxiety, you have more of an idea of which questions to ask yourself.
On this wavelength of trusting ourselves… and welcoming change.
That’s not what today’s marketing, personal growth and businesses lean on. They lean on the tangible facts and analytics. Even purposes have become more superficial and nowhere near level deep. They rarely offer delusional, mind-blowing, gate-opening perspectives on it all. The strategies probably won't work for you, but who cares because it is what it is. It’s never about changing who we are, to then create something spectacular from that space.
This week a client of mine said, we’ve got to start posting on social media 2-3x a day to keep engagement… and I highly disagree. If you are just posting to post… it won’t get you anywhere.
Is this the belief you hold for social media… that you just got to post anything? That if you don’t do that you are inadequate? That you’ll never make it in the big leagues so what's the point? Because that’s what the masses are pushing. And it’s feeding into the fear of not making it, or becoming someone of importance. Do you compare your journey to other women, and that somehow they are better than you because they post ALL the time (even if it’s about nothing)? Figure yourself out before you become big.
You’ll thank me later.
Steph xo